No more minocycline and guilt over happiness.

The reason I have this blog is to keep track of my symptoms and occasionally share a ramble. I never imagined I’d be getting thousands of visitors… Thank you, for your views and your comments, and I sincerely hope the things I’ve written can help someone else. Many of you have shared that they have, and I will always feel blessed by it.

So yes, I need to update on a few things for future reference… The first one being: My brain fog. If I haven’t said it before, let me say it now: Flagyl gives me the worst brain fog ever. I’m glad I only take it four days a week. My typing has been fairly atrocious lately (sometimes worse than others) so I apologize in advance if this entry doesn’t come out right. I know some of you have to translate it into your native language and this one might not be.. erm.. see, I can’t even think of how to finish that statement! :\

My eyes have been hurting for weeks. I’m so sensitive to light, and I get stabbing pains in them. I’ve spent the past week in the dark. My nervous system has been very sensitive, in general, since I started treatment, however my eyes don’t usually hurt this much… I’m wondering if the Nasonex has anything to do with it. I’ve taken it for.. probably a decade, now? But I had a two year break, and I don’t recall it having an accompanying Glaucoma Warning in the past…? But it does, now. I’ve stopped needing it, so I stopped it two days ago. Today my eyes ARE better, but it’s impossible to draw any conclusions from that. It’s probably just coincidental timing and I’ll get a severe case of eye pain tonight like I did yesterday, aha. If in the future, however, I start Nasonex and get crazy eye symptoms, I’ll know something.

It would appear that warning-hive I got a few weeks ago held true to its title. On the 12th of May, I got very, very sick, and had to stop all antibiotics. Aside from the fact that I felt completely flu-ish with a severe headache, I’d gotten to the point that I could not eat anything, even drinking water was becoming difficult, and amassed in me shaking, becoming dehydrated, and needing Zofran three times a day to keep my nervous system from having a meltdown. These are the same things that the Doxycycline did to me last year before I was hospitalized for five days. We were worried that the minocycline might do this, too, which is why we’ve been easing into it for all these weeks… It’s clear now that I can no longer handle the tetracyclines. I’m just glad that (1) I knew what was about to happen so I stopped the medicine in time, and (2) that I basically had available to me the same medications that they gave me last year to pull me through it (except re-hydrating took a tad bit longer without an IV). After three “missed” doses of antibiotics I was able to eat a chicken sandwich, and it’s been a steady improvement since then…well, at least in regards to being able to eat and keep food in my system.

Wednesday I couldn’t breathe again, having much the same symptoms as two weeks prior. And I’m still having that problem: I cannot breathe when I sit up, but as long as I’m lying down, I’m pretty much okay, though I still have to gasp for air every so often.

Now, I’ve had flare-ups every two weeks for almost two years, now–since summer of 2010, I believe, when I took grapefruit seed extract (GSE) for a few weeks–so this isn’t too much of a shock. But I usually have Lyme symptoms during those flare ups. This time, I haven’t. At all. I’ve had lung pains, and coughing a lot, and an inability to breathe right. That can’t be Lyme disease?

The reason I assumed the GSE had woken up the Lyme disease when I took it, and gave me flares every two weeks instead of every four weeks, is because GSE is a supposed to be a destroyer of Lyme cysts (i.e., the cysts that the bugs were hiding in, open up and start causing symptoms, then you can kill them with antibiotics)… Well, I’m on Flagyl, which is THE cyst buster, so could that have anything to do with my minor Lyme symptoms during these flares? Or is this not Lyme disease at all, and is it Mycoplasma? My money is on the latter for this particular scenario, given the hive and the breathing problems and lung problems which are all the things that I was worried might happen. :\ Because I tell you, my other symptoms are very mild. Shockingly so. When I was off antibiotics this past week, my neuro symptoms barely even flared up! I’ve been having mild “hot foot” sensations in my right leg, and that’s about it. (My tags say I last had that.. well, let’s just say that every time I’ve mentioned it, I’m also talking about Mycoplasma… The evidence mounts!) Nothing went to attack my arms, nothing started quickly progressing like a starved animal waiting to pounce… That is very exciting, and makes me feel like we’ve at least done something the past four months. As I usually say, time will tell! I’ll keep updating on it, and hopefully a pattern will emerge.

Until then, we just make sure I’m on both Lyme and Mycoplasma antibiotics. So I started Biaxin today! I’ve heard great things about this one, and it treats borrelia burgdorferi and mycoplasma pneumoniae and even bartonella, in the event that some of those critters have survived and are saving up for a revolt. Also, the pills are bright orange!

Ah, and so far, I feel accomplished with my goal to not be advocacy-frenzied. I’ve reposted/retweeted a few things, but that’s about it. Life is good, despite everything. I’m happy, even though I feel like I have society and ten thousand other sources telling me I’m not allowed or shouldn’t be… I’m sick, I’m “supposed” to be complaining about everything, right? Ha. Last week I felt the urge to announce, “I’m so happy to be alive.” Because I was. Because I am. And afterward I felt so odd about it. One friend said, “You feel odd because society tells you to complain about your woes. You’re happy because you see what matters most.” Which is pretty dead-on. Another said that people see someone like me “who is thankful for another day and enjoys life as much as possible, and they make a hateful comment” because they’re trying every materialistic avenue available to them and still can’t feel happiness and appreciation.

I suppose when it comes down to it, I was worried someone would take it in the wrong way, or find a way to interpret it negatively, or think I was just “saying it to be saying it” even though I really do mean it. Also, I didn’t want it to sound conceited? I know people going through minor troubles who are very bothered day in and day out, and I have.. erm, well, a lot of daily troubles and suffering and yet lately I have maintained happiness. It’s just a fact. So I don’t want it to sound like I think I’m better than anyone, or something. Because I used to be bothered by daily insignificant things, too! I’m just so happy to not be that person anymore, to have inner joy no matter what, and I want to keep that balance between expressing that happiness about it, but not rubbing it in everyone’s faces. Then again, I only have so much control over how other people interpret what I say, especially when I know my heart is in the right place: Again, balance.

a rainbow at night

A positive post, with more improvement!

I’ve set some goals for myself:

  1. Brush teeth standing up.
  2. Get out of wheelchair.
  3. Cook for myself.
  4. DRIVE again.
  5. Be able to sit up straight, before I get back problems.

I’ve even already made progess with a few of them. The other day I was able to stand while brushing my teeth, and I’ve been doing it ever since. =) And I’ve been out of my wheelchair most of the time. Yesterday, I even danced! My POTS symptoms, as I mentioned in last post, are much improved but it just depends upon the time of day. I’m trying at various intervals to sit up straight, but I can’t push it too much. I only just now became able to sit up on my own at all; I mustn’t go too far! I now eat twice a day, every day, with lots of healthy snacks in between, and haven’t needed to supplement with Ensure as much. I don’t have as much digestion-related dysautonomia, so I don’t have to split up my meals like I have been for the past two months. It’s such a relief. Since my hospitalization, I was subsconsiously on edge because I never knew what would trigger that domino-effect of terrible symptoms, but I finally feel stable again.

I’m still seeing things. I get headaches every evening around 4-5 o’clock, which has been my pattern since starting the the Rifampin in January. After the Zithro in the late evening (around 6pm), they get worse. Last night my neck was very stiff; it was difficult to even turn my head to the side. I need ibuprofen almost daily at around the 4-5pm interval, as well. The lymph nodes in my throat begin to ache and I feel generally inflamed. I’m lucky that after a decade of taking it, I can still tolerate the ibuprofen, which I attribute to always, ALWAYS taking it with food, or a full glass of milk to coat the stomach. (The aloe vera gel I’ve taken every day for the past seven years probably doesn’t hurt, either.)

Probably the most amazing news I have, is that my 2nd Lyme flare cycle–which I’m near positive began after taking grapefruit seed extract (GFSE) in July of 2010–is, from what I can tell, vanishing. GFSE is known to be a cyst-buster, so my best assumption is that.. it actually did, and the result was another set of replicating Lyme bacteria? This 2nd flare cycle was always milder than my “main” flare cycle (which occurs roughly around the 16-20th), but still encompassed the same type of symptoms: Left sided problems, spine pain, cardiac arrhythmias, severe headaches, and higher fever.

I made a brief mention of this last month, while I was wearing the holter monitor and expecting it to pick up on the arrhythmias that would be happening near the beginning of April… Only to find out, nothing happened at the beginning of April! And this month is the same. I’ve not had any fever, nor severe headache, nor explosion of arrhythmia, nor spine problems. There was the neck pain from last night that I mentioned, and I had one episode of spontaneous arrhythmia yesterday, but this is nothing compared to what “should” be happening. This must mean something very good. =)

Also, I don’t think I ever got to mention my cardiologist appointment on the seventh. He basically said there was nothing there but a fast heartbeat…which is ludicrous, because 90% of the time when I had to press the alert button, I was lying down with a normal heart pace. :\ Unfortunately my appt was early in the morning and I wasn’t able to probe deeper and dispute his “it’s just fast” theory. Doctors are trained to not worry the patient unecessarily, so my best guess is, since he kept repeating “it’s nothing dangerous,” is that whatever was there, he doesn’t think is enough to cause concern. Because of this vanishing 2nd flare cycle, I never did get to record the main, most-troubling arrhytmias that I was having… Which is bittersweet, right? I’m glad that they’re gone, but I wish they had happened while something some recording!!!

I think I’ll end this entry with a new ability scale checkpoint. :) As of right now I think myself to be at.. 20% physical, 35% cognitive, and 28% symptom severity. I had went downwards since my last checkpoint, but I’m back up again, so my physical ability is about the same, I’m slighlty better cognitively, and much better (compared a 7%, at least) with symptom severity.

My mother and I are planning a trip to Walmart for tomorrow. Two sickly women with illnesses that contradict each other, plotting how to attack a supermarket. It should be interesting! I need to find the right time of day to approach so that I won’t need to wait 20 minutes for a mobile scooter to become available! This will be the first time I’ve left the house since that April doctor visit. I can’t wait.

a rainbow at night

Happy 2011 everyone! (My current status.)

First post of the new year! And my Lyme disease would like everyone to know it enjoys celebrations just as much as the next organism. The first Lyme flare of 2011 began yesterday. Or maybe it was the 1st, I forget. But it happens every two weeks. The next “Lyme week” should arrive around the 16th~20th. And the bartonella flare following that one, will be a very bad day. Of course I do have random Lyme-symptom days, and it doesn’t always happen that consistently, but in general my symptoms are the worst during its replications. All of these things I’ve come to expect so that when I wake up unable to walk, or massively dehydrated, or with a severe headache (such as today), I won’t be surprised.

I’m unsure why the bartonella flare following the 1st~3rd flare isn’t as bad as the one following the 16th~20th flare? Maybe because the 16th~20th flare was my original Lyme week, and then this other one sort-of branched off on its own about six months ago… Ha! Maybe when I was taking my grapefruit seed exact (GSE), which causes the cyst form of Lyme to convert back to its spirochete form, those Lyme bugs woke up and now I have two sets! *laugh* That’s.. really not funny, but… In my other journal I started GSE on August 2nd-3rd of 2010; at the end of that month, I reported that my Lyme flares had started happening every two weeks. So it actually seems plausible, but what I didn’t mention was for how long they had been occuring every two weeks. Who knows, but it would sure be interesting!

Last night I had much trouble getting to sleep because of the beginnings of one of these occipital-related headaches. The ones that mimick my old occipital neuralgia headaches, but aren’t quite that severe. This morning I woke up and it was full-force. I haven’t had one since November, though, so that’s great! I was getting terrible headaches every couple of weeks, but I had a short respite for whatever reason. However I do need to mention that I’ve had a migraine every week (sometimes two per week) for.. well, actually the entire time between that last occipital headache and this one. (This isn’t a migraine, though, I am sure.) So once again, Lortab/Vicodin, ibuprofen, and I’m as good as ever as long as the meds don’t wear off before the headache goes away.

I’m pleased to report I’m finally recovering from my weakness! I think I may have talked more about that in my other journal, but the M.E. has been raging since the hospital incident, and then there was Christmas, and then there was me making mistakes after being “under the influence” of caffeine while treating a migraine… So it’s been a hard time, but I’m finally doing better! I washed my hair tonight, trimmed my bands, and I’m typing! =) Also, since starting the houttuynia on.. December 30th?.. the bartonella has been woken up. At least I know it’s working (the herb), but of course this means whatever I said about my bart symptoms being minor is now irrelevant.

My mental functioning has been pretty bad for the past two days, and I was about to say “I’m unsure why,” but… Right, Lyme flare! Haha. I didn’t take any of my herbs today, but that’s okay, I can resume them tomorrow. I’m not on anything to kill the Lyme disease anyway, so I’m not sure it matters. My goal right now is to focus on the bartonella. Tomorrow I will call my LLMD and let him know the candida overgrowth has been conquered so we can figure out a new plan of action. My only concern is that I be able to STAY on the Rifampin that I’ll most likely get put on (a bartonella-specific antibiotic), because unlike Doxycycline, you only get a few chances to stop and start Rifampin before the bartonella develops a resistance to it. Research has shown that you can stop and start Doxycyline up to sixteen times, and the bart still cannot become resistant (which has been to my great advantage the past year and a half). So if I get another yeast problem (of any sort, candida or otherwise) and have to stop it, it will be very inconvenient for me!

Hmm… I have not needed my oxygen or had any trouble breathing since.. well, aside from the hospital incident, my blog tags say November! So that’s another good thing! And since I’ve pretty much covered everything, I think I’ll end on that good note. =)

To any and all of my readers, I hope this blog can somehow help you to feel less alone, whether it be in your struggles, or your thoughts.
a rainbow at night