For right now, this needs to stop.

As far as my relapse conundrum, I could not continue treatment, after all. I just.. stopped. I am still so emotionally drained, and my body is at wits’ end. I’ve been off antibiotics for a month, now, and I’m flaring at the moment because of the usual beginning-of-the-month bug-flare that happens… Only this time I am not protected, so it’s scary to think of what they’re doing in there! How can one feel this close to having the flu and not actually have influenza?

On Samhain I ultimately decided to take another two weeks off and just restore my body as much as I can, with only the necessary things and as few medications as possible. I don’t think I have any yeast problems, but I’m going to take a few doses of candidiasis treatment, just in case. And then I’ll talk to my LLMD and see where we can go from here.

I can’t thank you all enough for the responses to my last post. At any given moment, I am ready to reach out for help, or curl into a ball and never speak again. It’s a constant back and forth. I want to say, “the disease is what makes me want to retreat,” but it’s not even that. It’s my response to it. It’s knowing that I do have some control here, I do have a choice, and I’m terrified of making the wrong decision. Continue this grueling treatment regimen and make myself worse, an inevitable decline, or forego treatment completely and still begin an inevitable decline. But I’ll tell you what.

My intuition says to stop.

And I always, always listen to it. It says I need this break. It says I could use it to heal my body as much as I can, and in two weeks I may know clearly again what next step to take. I can’t believe in God as much as I do, and ask Him to guide me, and then not follow what I feel is the right course of action, even though I can’t explain it.

That became even more apparent today when I really wanted to take my antibiotics again, because the thought that these infections are inside me running amuck and I have nothing to stop them, is very frightening. It was then that I noticed how strong my conviction was to not resume my treatment…

Anyone think I’m crazy, yet?

I can’t help but notice that the idea of treatment helping me, which has always been my motivator in the past, has not even crossed my mind. It’s as if somewhere inside I know that to continue with it at this point in time would do me harm. Logically speaking, I think that not treating is also pretty bad, but somehow, not as bad as taking these medications; at least not right now.

So that’s where I’m at.

 

I also had a visit with my new neurologist, and it wasn’t as productive as I thought it’d be. Part of that is my body’s fault because I only got to ask him half of what I wanted–I was so bad-off that morning I almost passed out in their waiting room.

In response to my relapse he said, “There will be good weeks and bad weeks, good months and bad months.” And apparently when you tell someone you have myalgic encephalomyelitis they don’t think twice about you having severe daily headaches and eye pain (i.e., I guess you do have headaches). But he’s a good doctor who at least didn’t outright call me a hypochondriac. I’ve noticed with having this lesion on my brain, people tend not to think you’re “just exaggerating” quite as much. He said it was post-infectious demyelination, but it wasn’t changing in size so he didn’t feel I needed a repeat MRI for right now. My various damaged nerves are healing up, so that’s a good thing! So much so, that he didn’t  think I ever had facial palsy… Luckily that’s in my notes from my last neurologist. :\

He also thinks all my movement disorder problems are Tourette’s… Which is wildly inaccurate, but because he thinks Tourette’s Syndrome is just a “group” of movement disorders rather than its own thing which should be diagnosed after the other movement disorders have been ruled out, it would make sense for him to say that. I can always see that movement disorder specialist should things progress even further, so. (I know it’s not Tourette’s because my TS does act up when I get new infections, however, it acts up completely differently than the problems I’m currently having.)

He said do NOT take any triptans for my migraines (the main reason I went to see him, actually), and gave me Cambia powder to try for my next attack. Which my insurance won’t cover, of course, so I’ll rely on samples like the other three medications I can’t afford. He diagnosed me with complicated migraine and said I really should be on a preventative medication with this type of diagnosis, but I mentioned that not ALL my migraines do the whole “Hey I Look Like I’m Having A Stroke” thing. I’ve had them fifteen years, so it makes sense they’d eventually progress, but I only get “those” maybe once a month or every two months…

Which is probably not very good, but good lord I just can’t handle another medication right now, especially when my options for preventative medications are very limited! I think he actually ran out of ideas for me since Topamax is practically my only choice and it lowers my intracranial pressure. :\ But at least Migraine is a well-studied disease and, should I live long enough, they will probably come out with something new, soon.

 

The best news I have is: (1) I got to visit a friend (actually, I returned to the scene of the crime of where I caught Lyme disease), and I recovered pretty easily from it with all the careful planning and tailored resting schedules. And (2) I invested in a tilting overbed table. I don’t think I have words to describe how useful it is. How have I never thought of this before? Person who is in bed most of the time, desks that go over the bed… Regardless, this thing is amazing. What I really love is the little mini-desk on the side that always stays flat so you can put stuff on it!

 

a rainbow at night

ARAN makes her first real post in months!

Something I try to do with this blog is make sure it makes sense and follows some semblance of “why yes I DO have a thought process,” but tending to either of those things is going to make this blog entry impossible, and I really need to write. So I’m sorry, people who like sentence structure and who like to translate my entries into their native tongue.

 

My birthday was in August. And it was incredible. Full of love from friends and family and the amazing gift that I was alive to enjoy it. I thanked my Lyme doctor for helping save my life, because without his aid I know I wouldn’t have made it. The whole celebration affair took two days to get through because I didn’t want to exhaust myself–I tried!–but let’s just say, next year I shall ask for more assistance, especially in opening gifts because I did the closest thing possible to arm-murder for someone with M.E. The eustress still affected me profoundly, and the muscle relapse I experienced took me weeks to recover from. By mid-September I did finally get to a place where I was okay enough to start typing, replying to e-mails, et cetera, albeit at a much-reduced level. I think that’s when I made my last entry… Anyway.

Since my last actual update I have been “officially” diagnosed with vasculitis, upped my Biaxin dose, and had to stop everything completely.

 

After a necessary car ride (read as: evacuation) put me in the sunlight for eight hours, my sporadically-present vasculitis-of-the-past-ten-years went into overdrive and has been bothering me daily, often severely, ever since. I have to avoid all sunlight and any temperature change…which I always have to do, but right now it’s even more important. I did get tests to see if anything autoimmune had been triggered, but the tests, ANA and the relatives, were all normal, so that’s good. I got the diagnosis of inflammatory vasculitis on the 6th of September, which ironically was two days after upping my Biaxin to twice daily instead of once daily, but the Biaxin was unrelated, since the problems began days earlier with all that sun exposure. My PCP told me all the weird quirks I’d been having–the INTENSE dizzy spells, the blurred vision, that the main vascular problems were in my hands and feet–were all related. She said it starts in the small blood vessels–ears, eyes, extremities–and spreads from there, and to manage it with ibuprofen, which for now, mostly works.

We want to avoid going on steroids if we can, because of how it suppresses the immune system… But I’ve been off and on Nasonex (an inhaled corticosteroid for sinus problems; I don’t have allergies) and it’s such a catch-22. I always feel better when I’m on it, but it also messes with my immune system so that other problems act up. Sigh.

 

For the most part I have been feeling GREAT with the twice daily Biaxin, but when I’m down, I’m really down. I have no idea what to say about my general health status, otherwise. :\ I always get a bad flare at the beginning of the month because this is one of the bug cycles (I think the Mycoplasma, but maybe the Lyme–I have no idea, I just know it’s not related to my menses because that has no reliable pattern, and hasn’t for years). Well, this month’s flare was absolutely terrible because of being on the doubled antibiotic dosage–“herxapalooza,” as one of my friends calls it.

When I was on Zithro (biaxin’s cousin), there would be one day a month I’d have to stop my antibiotics and let the herx die down, lest I end up it the emergency room. I came very close to going this month, not because of the herx itself, but because of a Migraine that was almost completely resistant to treatment. All I had at my house was off-brand medicine and name-brand Treximet, the latter of which  I cannot take with my type of migraine (which I DID NOT KNOW–need to discuss this with my new neuro!). So that was bad. Bad bad. The aura began with an awful episode of Alice in Wonderland Syndrome on Friday (Sept 28th) and the Migraine began Sunday (Sept 30th). Two days later, that was gone, but I have been sicker than sick ever since the whole thing started.

I have stopped ALL of my antibiotics in an attempt to recover, and I’m planning to resume them Monday if I’m able. If not, I’ll give it another week like I sometimes have to do. It’s been four straight months since having to take any kind of break, so that’s good. I hope it’s just the herxing (my liver is fine, by the way!), because this is a little frightening.

I haven’t needed my wheelchair in months, so I put it in the closet. Then yesterday I went to stand up and almost went to the floor. I’ve had NO trouble walking in months. Now my legs are very weak. It just hits me in “episodes”–one part of the day I’ll be sort-of okay; the rest, I am useless.  This would make sense if I were currently on antibiotics, but I am not. I have been sleeping a ton, and in bed all day regardless, only getting up for the essentials like restroom. And the pain… Oh, the pain. A day or two ago–they all blend together at the moment–I couldn’t so much as roll over in bed without vicodin. The headache phase (as that Migraine went on to irritate every surrounding nerve) has died down for the most part, but now I face exhaustion, flu-like sickness, numbness in my right leg leg and foot, a bizarre action-related tremor in my left hand/arm that has actually been progressing instead of going away… I am hydrated but my blood pressure is poor, I am resting but my heart is weak… My heart has felt weaker the past several weeks, at random. I don’t know what that’s about (side effect of doubled Biaxin?) but my next cardio appointment is in November.

It’s just such a drastic change, and I was doing perfectly fine (relatively speaking) on the doubled dose of antibiotics until this hit… And despite being off of them, it doesn’t appear to be getting better yet, which is concerning when I’ve literally spent the past week in bed and usually this combination lends to me feeling better… Or at least, when it’s M.E.-related, this lends to me feeling better. I suppose, with that in mind, I should stop thinking of it in those terms, because even though the majority of my troubles the past month-and-a-half have been M.E.-related and those ARE improved with rest, these problems I now face probably are not M.E.-related, and therefore there’s no sense in thinking rest will help them. Maybe I’m rushing things, or being impatient, I just wonder what happened that I’m taking so long to recover, and I hope this will all pass over without me being forced into a lower state of fucntioning in the mean time.

 

Three hours after I typed this I was able to come back and fix it up a little, so it’s not too bad… But yes, as to my absence…! I have been doing mostly okay, seemingly doing much better–even starting to prepare my own meals!–until “this” happened.

a rainbow at night

Another chapter in “ibuprofen always helps,” and the last of the 30-Day Challenge.

I have deductions to report! And photos of my random art and photography! Carry on if you’re brave…

 

Okay, so remember when I–… Actually, I don’t think I said that on this blog. But on Facebook or Twitter, I had mentioned being concerned that the Liver Chi, because it activates the immune system, might cause issues with the M.E., since in the past it’s been like this:

  • Take steroids → M.E. gets better
  • Take immune-activating anything → M.E. flares

So I was thinking maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I was on the Nasonex at the same time, because they might cancel each other out, with the Nasonex lowering the immune system and the Liver Chi activating it. I started them at the same time and all was well. But, two days after stopping the Nasonex, I had M.E. problems. Coincidence, possibly; I’m not sure. But then this other thing started.

My heart palpitations went through the roof. From maybe one noticeable skip every other week to at least one every hour. :\ I was very concerned, and I thought it might be the Biaxin because it can disrupt one’s QT interval and I sometimes have problems with those medications. My heart beat had been unnaturally fast, even when I wasn’t dehydrated. It averaged about 112 when lying down completely relaxed. And the irregular beats, well… Very prominent, made me cough every time. (Vagus nerve, cough, heart rhythms, all that goes together.) Then one evening several days ago, I needed an ibuprofen for a headache. Just 200mg to start with…and I noticed I didn’t have a single heart palpitation the rest of the night! I thought that was odd… The next day I woke up and took my Liver Chi. My heart went to racing again. After about two hours, I thought, I wonder if I take another ibuprofen… And I did, and my heart rhythm went back to normal. So, the past few days I’ve been taking ibuprofen with my Liver Chi doses, and I haven’t had any problems.

Then today I thought, okay, we have to make sure this isn’t coincidence, so I didn’t take the ibuprofen with the Liver Chi. My heart rate started climbing again. I took ibuprofen, and again, it went back to normal. I have a cardiologist appointment in a week and a half to find out what’s happening, but…

Now I’m wondering, what is going on? Is my heart inflamed? Or my nervous system? What is happening that the liver chi causes a problem and the ibuprofen stops it, that connects to my heart and my heart rhythm? Is it M.E. related? Or something to do with the connection between NSAIDs and orthostatic hypotension? I’m prone to thinking it’s something inflammatory, because this only started after I stopped the Nasonex. But. I don’t know! I just had my bloodwork done so we’ll see how my liver enzymes are holding up next week, and then we’ll see what else happens between now and my cardio appointment. Maybe it’s a herx, who knows. :\

Also, re: Nasonex and my eye problems: Coincidence, because my eyes are still giving me problems. And re: Breathing issues, I have not had any of that since.. well, it continued on several days after my last post, and then stopped. Whether or not it might recur, who knows, but I haven’t had it happen since.

Another random problem I’ve been having is, once a week I involuntarily stay up til six, seven, eight in the morning, until I finally get sleepy and go to bed. I just don’t get tired, and nothing can make me sleep! After four weeks of this, I figured out it was the Flagyl, because it happens after being on it two or three days, of the four consecutive days I take it per week. A friend who was on Tindamax said it did the same thing to her. It’s funny because when I first started Flagyl, all it made me do was sleep, and now…

 

So my brain fog hasn’t been as bad lately! After I made that last post, things got better. Over the years I’ve noticed it seems to do this, cycle in and out; when it cycles out, I read tons and enjoy my brain functioning. I even took a test on my reading speed and got an above-average score! (You read 305 words per minute. That makes you 22% faster than the national average.) And I even passed the three questions they asked afterward! But you know the interesting thing? (And this is how my brain has learned to function over the years of losing regular short-term memory ability: Plasticity is amazing.) I didn’t answer the questions correctly because I actually remembered what the story was about, but I answered them based on what words I remembered seeing. Just an example of how the brain learns to maneuver around its deficits and try to figure out other ways to be functional. When I first took it I was excited because I thought it meant I had reading retention, but. I really didn‘t remember what I had read, just the words I’d saw. I took it again today and now I remember what I read, though! :)

Okay, now enough symptom recapping. I finished my 30-day Challenge. It only took me..almost three months, aha, but I still got it done! Here are some of my final pieces–just quick blobs of watercolour, really, with the occasional photograph. As always, click on “Permalink” when they open in the gallery, to read more about any piece you want.

 

a rainbow at night

Almost finished with bartonella treatment!!

I used to post much more often than this, I know, but… Things are somewhat monotonous! I don’t have to constantly be on top of symptoms every five to seven days to post updates as regularly. Or at least I don’t think I do… Last month, around the 5th, and then the 10th, I had the same symptoms as this month, around the 5th, and then the 10th… I’m not sure what that’s about.

The past few weeks I’ve still been antsy over my random symptoms. Flu-like, fever (99.5 on the 6th–probable Lyme?), severe headaches, neckaches, dizziness, legs going very weak/requiring wheelchair, POTS, poor mental state. All very possible Lyme symptoms! But this is my last chance to make sure there’s no reliable pattern before we stop the bartonella treatment. These are possibly my last few days on Rifampin, after being on it a year! I also don’t think I’d be able to tolerate a maintenance dose of my Bactrim (i.e., two single-strength tablets per day) plus the Minocycline and Tindamax I think he’s switching me to this week… But! I am comforted by the fact that Minocycline has bacteriostatic action against bartonella (and mycoplasma), so even if there are some remnants, they won’t be able to replicate! :)

At any rate, Lyme is being.. interesting. I have not have a headache for about a week! Which is very ironic, because they’d otherwise become daily events! (Also ironic is I didn’t have a headache the last time I posted!) I just don’t get the bartonella-related headache anymore, the ones that hurt in the front of your head like a sinus headache might. I have about half of the symptoms I had at this time last month. The inflammation is way down so I haven’t needed any ibuprofen. Severe fatigue for several days, weak legs, numbness in my legs, episodes of arthritis, an internal tremor all day yesterday… What has surprised me with its reoccurence is the sensation of a bruise on the back of my left ankle, just like last month! It’s not an actual bruise, I don’t think, because it just spontaneously happened while I was lying down, and then I was limping the rest of the night. It makes no sense, but it’s obviously something Lyme related. It’s like achilles tendonitis that only lasts one night, haha.

I don’t have the results of my thyroid ultrasound yet but the technician said I only had like three little cysts??? That’s very good!

I leave you with a quote from Ralph Marston. :)

“Frustration comes from focusing on what you cannot control.
Achievement, on the other hand, comes from focusing on all the useful and valuable things you can do.

Resentment comes from seeing yourself as a victim.
Effectiveness comes from stepping up and taking responsibility.

If you constantly complain that life is unfair, you’ll blind yourself to the best opportunities.
Yet by simply accepting that what’s done is done, you’ll find a way to make the most of it.

Don’t waste your time arguing and fighting with life.
Instead, invest your time and resources in inspiring and encouraging the best in yourself and in those around you.

There is good, positive, fulfilling value to be lived every day, in any situation.
Choose to be the person who shines a light on that potential value and who brings that value fully to life.

Let go of the frustration, resentment and despair by letting the positive possibilities fill your awareness.
Embrace and enjoy the immense power that comes from taking full, unconditional responsibility for all you are and all you experience.”

a rainbow at night

Symptom updates, new theories, and doctors; oh, doctors.

The headache got even more severe the next day, on my peak mid-week-flare day. It was just barely responding to meds. Not using my eyes helped it ease, and when I awoke Thursday, it was completely gone.

When I got that rash in July, it appeared then started to fade out, and another cluster appeared. But so far, I haven’t had any more “papular eruptions” yet (as the Burrascano guidelines refer to these bartonella-related things). Every time I mention these rashes, people tell me I should get checked for Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, but I don’t see what the point. It seems obvious and I will always wonder if I’ve some kind of rickketsial infection, whether that be RMSF or Ehrlichiosis or flea-borne spotted fever, or any number of things. I did have antibodies to somethign like that. The treatment for all of them is one of the tetracyclines along with Rifampin. If I still have these rashes despite adequate bartonella treatment, we’ll know it must be one of those. But as it is now I cannot handle Rifampin with Doxy, or Mino, or Tetracycline without risking hospitalization, even if I have come really far. One thing at a time, as they say! So any RMSF testing will have to wait.

But someone did direct me to a photogallery of bartonella rashes, via this doctor’s site, a man who studies them and writes about them. He was actually in the Lyme disease documentary, Under Our Skin. One of the pictures really struck a cord–it was exactly the same as the strange scratchmark-like rash I got on my knee several weeks ago, that I mentioned last post… So seeing that, I think I have enough random information to compile a new theory!

I THINK: The bartonella quintana strain appears to be smashed, evidenced by my non-existant five-day-flare cycle and all of its previously accompanying symptoms, particularly the “temporary insanity” (i.e., violent moodswings). But when that ended, this other seven-day thing began. And my rashes started coming back. And old symptoms popped up. And I almost went to the ER again. I’m not sure when, but I know I wrote of it in my blog somewhere, exactly when that new seven-day-flare cycle began. I’ve repeatedly hypothesized that this is the bartonella henselae strain coming out, but now I think I may actually be right.

  1. I finally got the scratch-mark like rash on my leg that everyone else gets,
  2. it has a seven-ish day flare cycle like I have,
  3. the dots on my feet are bartonella, according to numerous sources, including my doctor, and
  4. the symptoms are still bartonella-like, just at a different interval and with different dominant symptoms.

So either that has happened, or something that acts like all these things but isn’t bartonella (a “BLO,” or “bartonella-like organism,” as so many physicians refer to it?), is attacking me right now, and that’s the thing we’re trying to finish killing within the next three months.

Further research via moi has confirmed that bartonella really does cause the type of general, terrible joint pain I was getting. The good news is: It’s gone! I’m no longer aching or feeling like my bones are going to snap. I guess the Bactrim brought it out of my joints, and for that, I’m thankful. My knees still intermittently give me issues, but I still think that’s the Lyme disease.

I’ve been very fatigued lately. I’m unsure why. I get short of breath too easily, and get a headache when I stand up (not adequate blood/oxygen/pressure in my brain?). But I’ve stopped coughing all the time, finally. I’ve not had fevers, but last Thursday my temperature was 99.something in the morning, at my doctor’s visit. I’m randomly nauseated, multiple times a day lately, and from Tuesday-Thursday my left eye twitched all the time. According to my blog, I posted on the 10th of October that they had been twitching frequently also… I don’t remember that, but that’s why I keep this blog! Ha! I hope it’s a herx from the Bactrim and not a bug trying to show. They haven’t twitched since April-ish.

The only bits of troubling news is, one, my neurologist is leaving. Yes, the one I loved so much, that took me a decade to find, someone who actually would deal with my complicated case and take me seriously? Sigh. I scheduled one last appointment with him next month before he leaves. After that I’ll be seeing his colleague, who I hope is just as amazing as him.

And my cardiologist wouldn’t give me the results of my echocardiogram over the phone. You know what that usually means… I’m prepared for him to tell me my valve regurgitation is worse (wouldn’t surprise me) or maybe something to do with heart failue (also wouldn’t surprise me). If it’s anything else, I have no idea, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, as the saying goes. :) I see him on Tuesday. This might be strange to say, or even stranger to read, but even if something is wrong, I still think I’m incredibly lucky. I’m alive, and given my particular circumstances and illness combination (and the fact that trees really, really love me), I think it’s a miracle that I am here every day, no matter what.

a rainbow at night

More rashes?

So first off, HEADACHE TIME. My eyes hurt and the front of my head hurts, but no sound sensitivity. I’ve been using the wheelchair off-and-on the past few days to make things a little easier on myself–whether it’s the joint pain or the blood pressure or just being out of breath at the time, lots of things are making it difficult to get around right now! It’s always easier by evening, though.

After some chatting on the support groups it would seem that my persisting joint pain might actually be bartonella, but the really severe episodes I have where I wake up unable to move my knees might still be Lyme. I haven’t had other instances of that, though I am now generally arthritis-y in every joint, particularly my hips, which is.. not typically Lyme-y to hang around like that? I can’t remember ever having this before. I’ll keep track of it but I’m glad I’m not the only one to experience this during treatment.

But what has startled me to make this post isn’t to rant about the joint pain, which I’ve accepted as a random part of the Bactrim that’s hopefully killing the bugs. No, this is Tuesday, so mid-week flare (previously the Saturday/weekend blues) is upon me. Right now I have another ankle rash. It’s an itchy, slightly rasied red area, with clusters of red pinpricks in it. I also have some other spots on my lower legs, that do not itch, and the red dots on my feet are back as I feared they might do. They’ve been appearing slightly the past few days–so whether it’s Lyme or bart or any combination of things, something is definitely active within me right now. These also do not itch, but some of them are much more prominent/noticable than the last time they sprung up. There are fewer of them, though?

This ankle-cluster-rash is the exact same thing I got a couple weeks before the whole tree thing happened, BEFORE I got re-exposure to the fleas, so I’m more likely to believe it’s something I already had than it being the result of mysterious-new-flea-infection. I don’t know what to make of it. About two weeks ago I got a similar bump-thing above my left knee that looked like a scratchmark, but it wasn’t? It gradually faded away as all of these do.

What exactly is going on, here? Is this another case of “one infection is down so another is going to pop up”? Or is this just another strain/another side of the bartonella infections I’m trying so desperately to eradicate? I’m halfway tempted to make an appointment with my (not-Lyme Literate but still Open-Minded) infectious disease specialist and see what he thinks might be going on. If it were a med reaction, it’d be consistent, wouldn’t it? Not just randomly happen when I’m also experiencing bug-symptoms?

This is confusing. :\

a rainbow at night

Here we go again! (A real post, this time.)

All right. A real update! (First, a minor apology for anyone who got some semi-annoying “test” posts e-mailed ot them. I was in the process of moving my personal blog over to WordPress and I wasn’t sure how the password part worked.) Let’s see…

As far as I’m aware, the strange macular rash on my stomach is gone. For now.

My weekend sickness? Otherwise known as the Saturday Blues? Well, in the beginning it was from Friday to late Saturday. Eventually it was all of Saturday and Sunday, which is when I mainly started to notice it. A couple of weeks or so ago it started to be Sunday and Monday and now, I think it has moved even further down the week. (I do recall pondering the possibility of it working its way forward, but other things could be causing this, such as when I had to stop antibiotics for a week last month, and the re-exposure to new bugs via the fleas…)

All this weekend, I was fine. On Sunday I even chased my dog around for a minute! But Monday night I started getting an awful headache, which I’ve had since. I’m unsure if it’s a migraine or not, because it moves around and started in my neck, which is not typically migraine-y…? But I did get an absolutely awful episode of Alice in Wonderland syndrome the night before. But yes, then Tuesday wasn’t great, but by the time I woke on Wednesday I was in full meltdown mode, as if it were a weekend. Then today was even worse. I did have a fever yesterday and much of today, but no thermometer to check its severity. I’ve been so medicated. Ibuprofen every few hours, Lortab every four hours, and I’ve already gone through half a pack of my ginger gum whereas I usually only need one per day! Every morning since Tuesday I’ve (worser each day) woken up with simultaneous excrutiating head pain, wanting to vomit, and the room spinning. I know some bug is flaring up, because I have been fighting dehydration for three days, and subsequently had very, very bad Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome–I’m lucky to be able to be upright the few minutes it takes for the restroom! Yesterday my father even asked if I needed help getting there, which was truly humbling. (Do I look that bad?) And for it to be happening despite me getting adequate water and electrolytes… It’s typical of my spontaneous bug-related dehydration episodes. (But no hospitals!) Even worse, my cardiac symptoms, which spung up with September’s Beginning of the Month Lyme flare, are in general so much worse, and they haven’t left yet! In addition to the arrhythmia, I’ve also had chest pain, and I’ve been struggling to breathe. I am always needing to take a deep breath (it’s not air hunger, though) and it gets worse when I lie down. So, further evidence for my electrolytes being off, as far as arrhythmia, but… The chest pain, and then difficulty breathing when I lie down…?

I’m starting to wonder if whatever I picked up from the fleas is affecting me worse than I initially thought. I do have an appointment with my LLMD on the 14th, and I’ll be telling him about all these things in case he wants to test for something. I’m not sure what it would help, since I’m already on the treatment, but… It might be important to document re-exposure, if it did happen. So that’s where we’re at…

…I just took a moment to read my last post and noticed that I had nearly the exact same symptoms last Tuesday and Wednesday. Severe headache that started in my neck, bouts of severe dizziness, and (though I forgot to write it above) I also had shin pain yesterday, just like this time last week… Ah! See, this is why I keep a health blog. :\ I had forgotten all about last week, but there seems to be something of a pattern with these symptoms. I really hope next week isn’t this bad–especially because my appointment is on a Wednesday! That used to be the best day fo the week for me, but its’ certainly not anymore. You just have to go with the flow, though. I’ve really been into Buddhist teachings and everything concerning living in the moment. Because that’s all so many of us can do–take it one moment to the next, and enjoy as much peace as we can along the way.

Til next post!

a rainbow at night

“And then this week happened”…

This is my attempt at being productive today.

I’ve been doing well. The improvement I’ve experienced has allowed me lots of new priveleges. But much like what happened at this exact time last month, the combination of hormone cycles and Lyme cycles have brought me from Still doing good to I’m still connected to my body, right?

My M.E. has been acting up after pushing myself to write and not waiting to recover. Actually, that was probably just the icing on the cake of a bunch of little things I’ve been doing lately, and not waiting to recover… Typing a little. Writing a little. Taking a bath. Things people are “supposed” to be able to do. I honestly just forgot what would happen, since I’m always so careful. I remember, now. :\

So yesterday I took a day of forced rest, particularly for my arms. I was on the border of paralysis, a point I haven’t been at in a very long time. The rest has helped, but it will take a bit more to regain pre-exertional strength. Yesterday I was literally almost bored! I wasn’t tired, and my brain wanted to do things, but.. well, you only realize how much use your arms, when you can’t use them anymore!

My muscles have also been twitching a lot. And I mean a LOT. I have several episodes a day (especially at night), every single day, where it used to only happen during my bartonella flares. I’m assuming this has to do with all my muscle usage, since the majority of the twtiches have been in my arms. My calcium/magnesium/potassium, etc., are all fine, I know it. We’ll see where this goes, but I’m still assuming/hoping it’s because of the increased usage.

My daily bursts of headache are less severe (though this may be subject to change with my Lyme flare approaching). I still require ibuprofen every other evening… My voice is not accustomed to being used this much, so it goes out easily by the evening, if I’ve spoken a lot. But! I have my dry erase board. :) It comes in handy, especially when I can only whisper.

As far as my brain goes… For whatever reason, I’ve noticed that my brain functioning appears to be worsening, even though I’m improving physically. I’m really not sure why. (Could it be that I’m still increasing my olive leaf dosage? I’ll be at my usual 500mg twice a day by the end of the month.) But, it’s noted, so we’ll see what happens.

Oh! And my appetite is wonderful; I’ve gained two pounds. :) It disappeared today, but that’s normal given what has occurred.

I woke up in a state of utter exhaustion and feeling as if I were missing something, or just.. as I’ve said many a time, just didn’t have enough of something. With my menses having started several days ago, I assume temporary anemia may be playing a role (as well as with my muscle weakness). I’ve been awake 8 hours, and I’m finally able to move around, and, obviously type a little. I do not feel sick, and I have no fever. But sitting up made my heart rate spike like it used to, and my circulation was rather poor. I’ve subsisted on electrolyte water, Ensure, and homemade fruit smoothies via my mother. I’m feeling better now, and I hope tomorrow won’t be so extreme!

a rainbow at night

A positive post, with more improvement!

I’ve set some goals for myself:

  1. Brush teeth standing up.
  2. Get out of wheelchair.
  3. Cook for myself.
  4. DRIVE again.
  5. Be able to sit up straight, before I get back problems.

I’ve even already made progess with a few of them. The other day I was able to stand while brushing my teeth, and I’ve been doing it ever since. =) And I’ve been out of my wheelchair most of the time. Yesterday, I even danced! My POTS symptoms, as I mentioned in last post, are much improved but it just depends upon the time of day. I’m trying at various intervals to sit up straight, but I can’t push it too much. I only just now became able to sit up on my own at all; I mustn’t go too far! I now eat twice a day, every day, with lots of healthy snacks in between, and haven’t needed to supplement with Ensure as much. I don’t have as much digestion-related dysautonomia, so I don’t have to split up my meals like I have been for the past two months. It’s such a relief. Since my hospitalization, I was subsconsiously on edge because I never knew what would trigger that domino-effect of terrible symptoms, but I finally feel stable again.

I’m still seeing things. I get headaches every evening around 4-5 o’clock, which has been my pattern since starting the the Rifampin in January. After the Zithro in the late evening (around 6pm), they get worse. Last night my neck was very stiff; it was difficult to even turn my head to the side. I need ibuprofen almost daily at around the 4-5pm interval, as well. The lymph nodes in my throat begin to ache and I feel generally inflamed. I’m lucky that after a decade of taking it, I can still tolerate the ibuprofen, which I attribute to always, ALWAYS taking it with food, or a full glass of milk to coat the stomach. (The aloe vera gel I’ve taken every day for the past seven years probably doesn’t hurt, either.)

Probably the most amazing news I have, is that my 2nd Lyme flare cycle–which I’m near positive began after taking grapefruit seed extract (GFSE) in July of 2010–is, from what I can tell, vanishing. GFSE is known to be a cyst-buster, so my best assumption is that.. it actually did, and the result was another set of replicating Lyme bacteria? This 2nd flare cycle was always milder than my “main” flare cycle (which occurs roughly around the 16-20th), but still encompassed the same type of symptoms: Left sided problems, spine pain, cardiac arrhythmias, severe headaches, and higher fever.

I made a brief mention of this last month, while I was wearing the holter monitor and expecting it to pick up on the arrhythmias that would be happening near the beginning of April… Only to find out, nothing happened at the beginning of April! And this month is the same. I’ve not had any fever, nor severe headache, nor explosion of arrhythmia, nor spine problems. There was the neck pain from last night that I mentioned, and I had one episode of spontaneous arrhythmia yesterday, but this is nothing compared to what “should” be happening. This must mean something very good. =)

Also, I don’t think I ever got to mention my cardiologist appointment on the seventh. He basically said there was nothing there but a fast heartbeat…which is ludicrous, because 90% of the time when I had to press the alert button, I was lying down with a normal heart pace. :\ Unfortunately my appt was early in the morning and I wasn’t able to probe deeper and dispute his “it’s just fast” theory. Doctors are trained to not worry the patient unecessarily, so my best guess is, since he kept repeating “it’s nothing dangerous,” is that whatever was there, he doesn’t think is enough to cause concern. Because of this vanishing 2nd flare cycle, I never did get to record the main, most-troubling arrhytmias that I was having… Which is bittersweet, right? I’m glad that they’re gone, but I wish they had happened while something some recording!!!

I think I’ll end this entry with a new ability scale checkpoint. :) As of right now I think myself to be at.. 20% physical, 35% cognitive, and 28% symptom severity. I had went downwards since my last checkpoint, but I’m back up again, so my physical ability is about the same, I’m slighlty better cognitively, and much better (compared a 7%, at least) with symptom severity.

My mother and I are planning a trip to Walmart for tomorrow. Two sickly women with illnesses that contradict each other, plotting how to attack a supermarket. It should be interesting! I need to find the right time of day to approach so that I won’t need to wait 20 minutes for a mobile scooter to become available! This will be the first time I’ve left the house since that April doctor visit. I can’t wait.

a rainbow at night

Improvements, no more oxygen machine, and symptom recap.

I know not if it’s to do with this recent bout of occipital neuralgia (that left me completely by Monday), but my eyes are having a lot of problems ever since. Last night I had to go to the restroom, turned on the light, and started shaking from the pain it caused to shoot through my body. I’m always sensitive to lights but that.. that was something else entirely.

I’ve managed to keep some type of headache–whether it’s remnants from the nerve irritation I’m not sure–even when the majority of the skull-splitting pain has left. I’ve been seeing things. Lots of things. Shadows, bugs, black specks, colorful spots, dancing zigzags. I distinctly remember mentioning this in my video post from earlier this year, so I know it hasn’t been that long since these have flared up. I usually associated these symptoms with bartonella becuase it was when I got that infection (though unbenounced to me at the time) that I began to “see things” all the time.

As far as the bart goes, I’m not sure of my last flare besides around the 14th. Yesterday I was plagued by severe muscle spasms, there were the eye problems (they hurt so much upon moving them, even just to look around), and that night I had another terrible headache that was focused in the front of my head… Then today woke up very moody, nauseated, and no appetite… And by this evening all of that has gone away. Sounds typical bartonella-ish to me, particularly the muscle spasming, eye-related symptoms, and headache.

Other notable, strange symptoms are the heat sensations in my feet, and the facial grimacing…. Though, to clarify, it’s not as much a grimace as the muscles in the left side of my face just tend to go downward. I’m just not sure what else to call that? I think I had a worser cough yesterday as well. I mentioned my throat having inflammation and sores a few posts ago, and I’ve had a lot of throat pain focused around the lymph nodes the past two days. I take ibuprofen for this and it helps a lot, for the pain and for just about everything else.

I’ve been feeling better as far as fatigue and dizziness goes. I’m unsure of where those several weeks of dizziness came from, but… I’ve also been walking more! And today..  today! Today, at one point, I got out of bed and stood up and walked to get something. That’s from lying down, to walking, and I didn’t pass out. Now, at other parts of the day I attempted this, and let’s just say I was lucky my bed was behind me… But the fact that I was able to do this at all, is a great thing!

During my walking, my left leg begins to go dystonic, and that’s actually more of a hinderance than my blood pressure, lately. I’m unsure if it’s due to nerve damage or perhaps a minute oxygen imbalance because of me standing, that’s producing the dystonia there. It was one of the first places to get the symptom–even when low oyxgen wasn’t a problem for me–so perhaps it will be the last to leave?

Also, tomorrow the pharmacy is coming to pick up my oxygen machine as I haven’t needed it in two months! I ma so excited! :D I hope to never need it again. Next step: Get out of wheelchair, dare say I, completely?

I’ve been remembering to take my ubiquinol and olive leaf extract. That’s.. very important. Bad things happen when I forget them. You’d think after all these years I’d have learnt that by now, but… When the Lyme-brainfog caught up with me, I was forgetting things left and right. I think I’ll do another month of these low dose antibiotics and then in June, talk to my LLMD about moving up the dosages.

Oh, did I mention? I was tested for B12, B6, B1, and Zinc deficiency. All normal. And they YET AGAIN tried to get my Lyme and bartonella titres, but of course, nothing turned up, because I just don’t “do” antibodies. But! I’ve met my insurance deductible, so now I can get tested with IGeneX again! I’m excited to see if even more bands will show up this time. The first time I only had one band; the second I had five. I wonder what will pop up now, especially being on a cyst buster (Rifampin) that has released a lot of my initial Lyme symptoms? (That means the bacteria are active, which hopefully means my body will create at least a weak response to them, enough to be picked up by IGeneX labs.) This time I’m also going to do their Bartonella FISH test, their Babesia FISH test, and the PCR test for Ehrlichia and Rickettsia (the latter of which I truly think I have sometimes, due to the rash that was on my feet for two years). All I have to do is.. call and order the test kit! Which I should probably do tomorrow, hmm?

a rainbow at night