“Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.” (Oscar Wilde)
When I look back at all that I’ve done over the past year, it really blows my mind. And I did it all because I first made the choice to live and enjoy within the confines of my circumstances, just like I did last year. I set in my mind what I wanted, made whatever arrangements I could on my own to help them manifest, and let the Universe work out the rest based on what I needed to experience.
If I wasn’t supposed to have something yet (or at all), well it wouldn’t have been from my lack of trying.
I’m not completely certain of the point for me writing this… I know the things I lived, I don’t need further documentation. I don’t imagine they’d be all that interesting to anyone else, in the same way your baby photos are only important to you, and slide shows of your vacations need to be ambushed upon unsuspecting house guests if you plan to share them.
Even if I were to sit here and explain how none of it would have happened if I just blindly accepted the identity of “sick person” that most family members and even doctors wanted to give me (and that for too many years I gave to myself, as well), because “sick people” don’t live life, they wait until they’re not so sick to start enjoying themselves again, right? They wait until they’re better, don’t they…? (Not so much.)
No, people only hear what they want to hear, and until they’re ready to change, all of it only looks like “of course YOU did it, you [insert excuse here for why it’s easier for everyone else besides you].” Or some want to be spoonfed the exact steps in order to do only as much work as is absolutely necessary. To quote inspirational speaker, minister, and author Iyanla Vanzant, “You must be willing to do the work.”
And yet more than a few people said to me during a week’s worth of time, that they wished something in their life was as easy as I seem to have it………………………..
I couldn’t help but laugh.
Because nothing–absolutely nothing–has come easy for me. No one comes to acquire these traits that make life seem “easy,” because life actually WAS easy. No, they arise from hardship, and those currently living in the troughs are knee-deep in the circumstances that produce any qualities in me you claim to admire.
What one might perceive as my ease of living is actually my choice to experience it as such, not any representation of the actual work required. I’ve metaphorically crossed over mountains to get to this place from where I was, because I was not raised to be peaceful. (Please read that. Okay?)
The “of course it’s easy for you” thing is also troubling because it’s an unconscious confession of (fear) self-sabotage, the excuses you’re telling yourself for why you can’t have what someone else has. It’s giving yourself an “out” based on something external you’re unable to control or something internal you perceive yourself not to have, helping foster the belief that your situation is out of your hands, so why bother? It’s a destructive twin of “I’ll be happy when…”
You can have a radically different life without changing a single external circumstance, because the only common denominator in your entire existence, is You.
Our lives aren’t defined by only the big decisions, goals, and occurrences. However much impact they have on the rest of our days, those major game-changers are few and far between. Society tells us from the day we step outside that your life is supposed to be about getting from point A to point B, and to pass your days filling in the rest with your to-do list of how to accomplish that. But that’s incorrect. That is NOT all life has to offer, and when you finally get to all those point B’s, you’re going to realize that. So listen to all of us “hippies” who are trying to get your attention before then:
Life is made up of all the little moments you encounter between those perceived checkpoints. It’s all the smaller things you do day in, and day out, that make up the most of your life and help determine your happiness.
And I guess that’s why it doesn’t matter too much to me anymore to explain all that I’ve accomPLISHED even with the accomPLICE of disease… Because the gift of those experiences will reside within me, always. And although reaching those goals was inexplicably amazing, it’s the process of living and thinking that helped me manifest them at all, which holds the most value in the long run. And that’s the part I really want to share with this blog.
If you want things to be easier, it doesn’t start with changing your circumstances. Because you can only manipulate your circumstances to the extent that you realize what is really yours to control. And that all starts with manipulating you.
♥ a rainbow at night