Dissociation and Moodswings During Treatment for Chronic Bartonellosis

Today has been.. strange. Last night after the Doxy (and something that’s happened the past two nights, actually), I’ve gotten a neck ache and racing thoughts, most of them being paranoid or depressive thoughts. I know it’s because of the antibiotic, for example, before I took it last night I was thinking of how blessed I was to have so many people who care about me and offer their support… And then two hours after the Doxy I was an emotional wreck. I’m glad I’m able to sleep through it… At least until I start the twice-a-day 100mg on Thursday.

When I woke up, I was in a lot of pain (in the neck! haha), so a Fioricet was taken. It has caffeine in it, and so I used that to take a bath before taking my Rifampin at noon. It feels wonderful to be clean, and to have done it myself! A couple of hours later my oxygen became necessary. I got off of it about an hour and a half later, but when I wheeled to the kitchen to fetch myself a bottle of water, by the time I got back I became severely and suddenly exanimate. Like a FOOL I lied in bed for five minutes before realizing that wasn’t going to work, so I plugged in (oxygen) again. I was able to breathe again within minutes. My mother said my color had finally returned, so for another hour and a half I “oxygenated” and had a nice relaxing time… Or at least, I think it was relaxing.

I entered into this mental state of being very aware of my body’s condition, and those are honestly the only words I can think to describe it. I was comfortable, which was nice, and I could breathe, which was very nice, but I was also aware of every pain that entered my body, and every minor twitch. For instance, my shins are hurting today. I feel that I was borderline dissociative, because that type of sudden altered mental status isn’t normal. But again, today there was the strong possibility of a bartonella flare up, and it seems that it did happen, if my need of oxygen and volatile moods (from happy to angry to paranoid, to happy, to…you get the idea) are anything to judge by. I can usually tell the day is going to be “interesting” if I start thinking angry and resentful thoughts first thing upon awakening. That’s so unlike me, in every way, and I immediatley think, “Wow, what is wrong with me?!”

I got a migraine yesterday, but forgot to mention. It was the first I’ve had in a couple of weeks, I think…! Also yesterday evening, I had a temperate of 99.5, but I’m pretty sure that was only due to it being very warm. We had to turn on the air conditioning because I was about to pass out, being unable to handle heat at all. I’m a little depressed that winter is about to end; I hate Spring and Summer with a passion. My Lyme flare should be approaching soon… Not looking forward to that, but hey, I’ll be on Doxy this time so it will help STOP those bacteria that try to reproduce! And that makes me happy. :D

And another bit of good news: The Ensure Clinical shakes I decided to start drinking have helped me to stop losing weight! I haven’t gained any back, but I haven’t lost another two pounds, which is what would have happened, so I’m quite thrilled, really! So if anyone is losing weight because of infectious disease, I would highly recommend them. I’m sending a friend some of thes extra coupons I have (buy 2 get 1 free), so hopefully they will stop losing as well!

I’ll leave you with a picture of my view this evening, as the sun sets outside my window.

This is the time of day I used to sit on my porch with evening coffee, watch the birds fly home and listen to the bats chirp.

a rainbow at night

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