So, is everyone surviving the holidays?

I’m making it a goal to NOT be hospitalized or require any emergency services this December, as the past two years haven’t been very kind to me. First a ridiculous bartonella flare, then almost going into probiotic-induced septic shock… Always within the week closest to my family celebrating Christmas! Well! I’d like to be able to fully enjoy my holiday season, and not have to spend it recovering from an exacerbation! I think I could probably handle a minor infection now, if it passed my way, but it still wouldn’t be without consequence and it’s something I want to avoid if at all possible. Family members have colds and sinus infections, but I have face masks! I joke about drawing hearts on them to make them more stylish. (ETA: Or I could just buy some of these.)

So that Lyme flare got pretty bad. My muscles twitched constantly, and I soon started getting the internal tremor–the sensation that your entire body is vibrating, and that’s a Lyme symptom I haven’t had in a long while. I experienced severe muscle weakness in my legs for several days in a row and was wheelchair bound most of the time, even though using it was almost impossible. (I may or may not have mentioned, but I use a transport wheelchair instead of a normal self-propelled wheelchair. It doesn’t have wheels on the sides, so I self-propel with my legs, which are stronger than my arms because I don’t use them as much… That probably makes little sense, but when you have M.E., the muscles you don’t use very often are actually the strongest ones, and the ones you use the most become the weakest.) I remember starting to become concerned about it, but as the flare lifted, so did all the neurological quirks. A few days ago I went to the store without any assistance from mobility scooter or even a cane–a stark contrast to the previous week! My cognitive abilities have been poorer than usual, but these things go in cycles (every three weeks, remember?) so I may just be in a poor-brain stage. Since the flare though, I’ve had an increasing amount of headaches… I’m not sure if this is a three-weeks-of-headaches thing happening, or if it’s because of me not treating the Lyme, or what, but if it doesn’t lift after I begin specific Lyme treatment, I shall need to see a neurologist. Or perhaps I’ll just ask my LLMD next week when I speak to him, and see if he thinks I should go now…

It’ll be hard to decipher what is what, since I KNOW my headaches are going to explode once I start Tindamax next month. I told my primary doctor today about everything, and she’s excited about me starting it because of the recent in-vitro research that showed Tindamax kills up to 90% of both round (cyst) and normal (spirochete) forms of the Lyme bacteria. She also armed me with a new bottle of Lortab, so I’ll be ready for the insufferable headaches.

I have to write about a small bit of worry I have, though… On the 5th of December I got a severe headache, and that day I awoke with a bump on my finger. This is usually something I’ve associated with my bartonella flares, in the past… Then on the 10th, I got another bad headache, but I’m not sure if there’s any determinable pattern because that’s also the day I started M.E.-flaring from the trip to the store two days prior. :\ Could these finger bumps be Lyme, instead? And I HAVE been a tad more irritable, but again, nothing that screams bartonella at me… I’m just very wary of anything forming a pattern that would suggest it may not be disappearing after all. I sincerely hope it’s just other factors. I’ll know as time passes whether or not things are being reliable enough to consider a threat.

Well, that’s all for my update right now, though I’m sure there’s more to be said. Take care, my dears.

Keep going. No matter what you do, no matter how many times you screw up and think to yourself ‘there’s no point to carry on,’ no matter how many people tell you that you can’t do it–keep going. Don’t quit. Don’t quit, because a month from now you’ll be that much closer to your goal than you are now. Yesterday you said tomorrow. Make today count.”

a rainbow at night


4 thoughts on “So, is everyone surviving the holidays?

  1. I really, really hope you don’t end up in the hospital again. You need a Christmas free of all that! *hugs you* You had to go two years in a row–maybe I can plead with the hospital Gods and make mine count for yours. In all seriousness, I hope the hospital isn’t in God’s plan this year.

    Hopefully Tindamax will kill 100% of the Lyme, not just 90%! ;) But still, that is wonderful news. Also wonderful news you are armed and prepared to fight the headaches when they show up.

    I hope it’s not Bartonella coming back. I hope that it’s dead and never comes back again.

    FACE MASKS. Oh God. That is a wonderful idea. *gets some*

    Also you look really pretty in your new picture. :)


    1. I really do need a sick-free Christmas, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think of that, too: You used up all the hospital stay time for the both of us, so maybe I’m safe!?! (How morbid…) I hope you’re able to recover enough to sit up for a while and enjoy some festivities; you so much deserve it after the fight you’ve had. <3

      Ha, yes, I'd take 100%! But even 90% would be good. I just want it under control. I could probably deal with being 10% infected, lol!

      I'm also glad about having the medicine for when "that" happens. I couldn't imagine having to do this with just Tylenol, or the like. I survived a chronic, disabling pain disorder with just Tylenol for seven years, but nothing equates to these headaches!

      Ugh, I hope it's not bartonella, either, or even if it is, that it's just its last kick at me before it finally dies out. :\

      Thank you for the compliment, and definitely get yourself some good face masks! Not only does it keep you healthy in risky situations, but it makes some people scared of you so they stay away anyhow, ha! <3


  2. My wish for you is to be surrounded by people you love and to be happy, joyful and filled with laughter amidst whatever is occurring in those moments. Oh and lots of hugs, I hope the people you love hug you a ton. I typeo’d “hog you a ton” … that too. They should all want to sit next to YOU and totally hog you :)

    This made me cry:

    “Keep going. No matter what you do, no matter how many times you screw up and think to yourself “there’s no point to carry on,” no matter how many people tell you that you can’t do it–keep going. Don’t quit. Don’t quit, because a month from now you’ll be that much closer to your goal than you are now. Yesterday you said tomrorow. Make today count.”

    Guess I needed to hear it :)

    Got my last round of tests back and the CAT scan showed scarring on my lungs, the blood test showed Scleroderma, Raynaud (it’s funny, I’ve had all of these silly symptoms, never really paying much attention to them because the other stuff was so painful … I didn’t even report these things like frozen fingers and toes … but these names sure explain a lot!) and a buncha other google-able words.

    What a ride!

    Ho ho ho


    1. Awww…! For what did I earn such kind words! I hope you have all those things, as well, especially since so many are spending it with less. I feel as if I’ve gotten an early Christmas present; thank you, my friend. <3 I can't think of any way I'd rather spend it than to just Be. <3

      I'm sorry you have scarring–is it from mycoplasma or chlamydia pneumonia? A lot of people with Lyme have those coinfections; it was the only thing that really affected my lungs, giving me pleurisy twice. And so many people, still, get innumerable autoimmune illnesses triggered (or simply false positive results)–I hope what all you have is reversible with treatment!!

      I understand crying at the quote–I don't know who said it, but it sure applies to a broad audience of people who are fighting for what they want. We will not give up, no matter what happens. :)


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