When I opened this blog I was in the midst of my immune system crashing from an acute infection the year before. Bartonellosis raged from being off treatment/antibiotics for the last eight consecutive months. I needed somewhere to write it all down because no one else was talking about it to the point that I could understand, save one woman named Peggy who had M.E. for years and then got bitten by a bartonella-infected dog. I related to her because our symptoms were identical.
Eventually, that all worked out and my blog from start to January 2012 was a “diary of treating bartonellosis” in a way that I’ve never seen online, and perhaps that’s why my blog got so many visitors. What I didn’t expect was to get almost 10,000 views in 2011, and I never could have expected to get 20,000 views in 2012, last year.
So am I writing to an audience now, or should I do what I’ve always done, and just write?
Immediately the answer came to me, because the purpose of my blog really hasn’t changed all THAT much. It’s still chronicling the life of someone with chronic illness, and one of the most substantial things that happens with any life changing event like a disease is the fact that it changes your life.
If you’re the same person before and after an illness, you missed the point.
So with that, it’s natural that my blog would change with me, as I grow and adapt to a different way of viewing life, a better way of viewing life. I used to be very technical, still having the brain circuitry of someone who was inching toward their Ph.D. in neuropsychology.
For example, the categories you see on the side are for me to click and find, “When did I last experience this symptom?” If it weren’t for me staying on top of that, my doctor and I had no way for me to chart my progress in bartonella-killing, so for a long time it was essential to my even staying alive. Now, it’s.. just a reference point. I put them in a drop-down menu instead of a rolling list.
I don’t think I’ll be doing as much of the technical, research article-posting, news-commenting, advocacy-oriented stuff that doubled alongside my symptom charting. Not never, just.. not as much. I’ll always be a researcher at heart, but why I write here, I feel, is very different compared to when I started. And that’s a good thing.
The “Life Lessons” section was never planned, but after so many heartfelt entries about sorting through the emotional side of living with incurable disease, of living with disease that people blame YOU for getting and keeping (?!?), that does whatever it wants no matter how you try to make it better… Well, it birthed itself, really. It’s probably my favourite part of this site.
I imagine things will follow a similar vein as that.
People didn’t even know my name until a couple of months ago. Hi, I’m Kit. I’m an Optimistic realist, Writer, Artist, Universalist, Buddhist, and Spoonie. Welcome to my blog, where I always look for the colours in the darkness…
♥ a rainbow at night