My year so far, after choosing to truly Live.

Thoughtful

I’d like to start out this post with a bit of astrology, because I think it perfectly describes how my year has been thus far. (Bear with me!)

“Get ready to dig deeply in 2013, Leo. You’re going into a phase of complete and total metamorphosis. This will require considerable self-analysis and probing into your past patterns, but all the work will be more than worth it. You’re on the verge of discovering just how powerful, strong and resilient you are at your very core. If you have ever doubted your strength, after 2013 you’ll never question your resourcefulness again. Saturn, the great karmic lord of trials and tribulations, will be camping out at the base of your horoscope until 2015, so you’ll have plenty of time to delve into the depths. Family issues and psychological patterns inherited from your parents will come to the surface this year, making your more aware of — and able to avoid — negative patterns. Wake up, Leo! Get ready for a major rebirth.

Lucky Jupiter will continue to bring good fortune to your social sector and help you dream big until June. You’ve been so blessed with the amazing people you’ve met over the past year who have helped you reach your goals. The second half of the year, you may want to pull back when Jupiter enters your retreat zone. This is a time of dreaming and scheming before launching into the next chapter of your life in 2014. So the first half of the year will continue to be incredibly social, but give yourself permission to come back to a more internal and creative space during the latter part of 2013.

The eclipse patterns of 2013 will shake up both home and career sectors, so get ready for rapid advance and decline in both arenas. Don’t get too attached to any of the gains or losses in either of these life departments, as they will constantly be in flux until you reach a healthy middle ground — and you will!”

I was expecting such a popular site to conform to mainstream and just dish out stereotypical messages, but that right there sums up everything I’ve felt about this year, all the way down to the little details! In June, I even talked to my friend about finally becoming settled and just resting starting in July–after the busy first half of the year, it’s what I want, now–and even THAT is in there! Incredible. I encourage you to click and see if yours applies as much as mine does!

Lion representing the Leo sign in astrology. (...

So, if you’ve been following my journey through the year so far, you’ll know I stopped treatment for late stage Lyme disease in October of 2012. After several months of grieving, I decided I was going to truly live, because I don’t have time to wait anymore for a better day when I might feel better. I also have Myalgic encephalomyelitis, for which there is no cure, and bartonellosis, which was once cured but now has crept back out of remission. I’ve been focusing on symptom management and taking care of myself as best I can with food and whatever “exercise” I’m able to handle. Because of the incredible planning skills I’ve accumulated over the past thirteen years of chronic illness, but most importantly, proper pain management, I’ve been able to put all my spoons in one basket each month, and have incredible adventures. I attempted them even at the risk of symptom progression because realistically speaking, there will be no better time than right now. The past six months have been my surge of energy that comes from stopping toxic treatments, and I used it well.

Life is a precious gift. Don't waste it being ...
Life is a precious gift. Don’t waste it being unhappy, dissatisfied, or anything else you can be (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

In January, I met my extended family for the first time (yep). February was pretty rough and scary, after having to be on antibiotics for a week to get my teeth cleaned, finding out I had a new genetic diagnosis, the passing of a friend, and the one year anniversary of the passing of my Dad. So most of it was spent in recovery. But I did celebrate Valentine’s, Mardi gras, and a friend’s birthday to the best of my ability. In March, a good friend came to stay with me for a month, and we had innumerable outings to parks, new restaurants, coffee shops, and a beautiful experience at the orchestra. In April I went to see a world renown ballet group (my first trip to such an event in at least twelve years), sitting front row balcony because a wonderful family miraculously had a spare seat; they turned out to be the same family who was sitting behind me the night I went to see the orchestra in March! I also met two amazing local friends with whom I had several lovely visits.

In May, I went with a friend from Florida to see the Dalai Lama, and as if that weren’t enough, perused my favourite city on a vibrant Saturday night, admiring the culture and appreciating everything; I watched the sun set from the top of a seventeen-story building. My family hosted a garage sale for me and I got rid of 90% of my stuff. I went to the aquarium for the first time in seven years, with friends I haven’t seen in eight years, and some new friends. In June I went BACK to the aquarium with my family, which, if you knew how rare it was for all of us to be free at the same time, you’d understand to be something of a miracle. Then my best friend came from across the country to visit with me for a week; several times we stayed up til 5am giggling at nonsense like we were teenagers. I witnessed the historic removal of DOMA and Prop 8 from our country’s legislation. I planted sunflowers. I received a message from my all-time favourite musician via Twitter. And I rediscovered my love of electronic music.

As I said, in July I began resting, but something incredible happened, still. The love of my life, the best friend who stayed with me in June, told me she loved me, and since I’ve also been in love with her for the past year, we became a couple. ❤

Even still, each month I successfully set out to watch one new movie in theatres, “read” one new audiobook, and eat at one new restaurant. For now, I take a much-needed break, as my body tries to hold itself together after all that activity. But in August I’m going back to the heart of New Orleans for a week for my birthday, to stay with another friend who is also coming cross-country. And in September I get to spend more time with my girlfriend as we arrange another, longer visit. After that, who knows…

But I’ve been divinely assisted in everything I’ve set out to do, and whether this year turns out to be my last truly being able to function, or just a temporary rut (however doubtful that seems), I can go forward knowing I gave it my all while I still had the chance. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I made the right decision to stop treatment and focus on having a life.

I have more to say, how symptoms are going, what happened with the doctor who wanted to erradicate some of my nerve endings… But that’s for another post. To be continued…?

a rainbow at night

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “My year so far, after choosing to truly Live.

  1. God bless you! I have had Lyme’s for 6 years. I have been to doctor after doctor, in state after state and to hospitals as well, all who denied I had anything or who simply ran me out! They would run in and shout “you do not have Lyme’s disease!” and abruptly leave the room!
    I found a naturopath at Creative Wellness in Kansas City, Missouri, the state wherein I live. I am 60, and female. They diagnosed me right away! I had Lyme’s, Baronella and West Nile Virus and other co infections. Needless to say, all the organs in bad shape, and the pain is terrible. Swelling all over, the whole thing. Exhausted. Have had to withdraw from all society. My husband does all the driving and shopping for groceries. Well, in one month of care with the Naturopath, we have killed off the Lyme’s, Bartonella, and West with frequency
    put into herbal nuetraceutical. I am in adrenal fatigue, and she swears she will get me the rest of the way out of this! I just want you to know there is hope, and if you are suffering from adrenal fatigue, you should know no medical doctor can
    help you. I learned that. Well, I just want to say you have so much courage! If you have no naturopath experience yet, you might go get checked. These people are wonderful! They did biofeedback, palpatations to locate all the organ trouble, muscle testing to see how much neutraceuticals I needed, we are talking
    strong quality herbs, and then I go home and take the herbs about 17 times a day!
    It will be less next month. Each of the two visits I have been to have cost about $400. Next month it should drop to about $250. I have made measurable progress, even though the pain is still with me! It will take time to heal my issues. I don’t know how long to heal the adrenal problem, and the lymph problems, but I am fighting with all my might!

    God Bless! Sheri

    Like

  2. YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE TOO. LKSDWEOSDL.

    First off, you deserve to have this time to celebrate, and enjoy life the best you can while you have this burst of energy. ;___; I’m so glad that being off antibiotics has. given you time to live, and do things like go to the aquarium, even though it won’t last. And have time with people who love you. I’m just…so happy that you were able to have those experiences and I hope you get to have as many more as possible.

    In my opinion time to grieve and mourn the idea of, I don’t know, the one I had for a long time, of “some day I will not be sick anymore” is so important? You’ve been sick a lot longer than me, and you’ve known your ME was incurable a lot longer than I knew I have EDS, so I bet you’ve had….a lot of mourning periods already. So I don’t know if this is relevant or makes sense? D: But I also thought that the antibiotics would cure me of Lyme and I had to like, come to the acceptance that I’m not giving up, but I also must live for now and not just the future that may not happen.

    “I’ve been focusing on symptom management and taking care of myself as best I can with food and whatever “exercise” I’m able to handle.”

    I relate to this sentiment so much, and I am SO GLAD you have pain and symptom management that you can use to make things more bearable. I spent a lot of time in the beginning focusing on fixing all the things, and when that failed I had to deal with that and it sucked. But I’m glad I dealt with it because now I have the energy and resources to devote myself to being happy and loving to myself today.

    I’m so glad you’ve had the strength and energy to do things like see the Dalai Lama. That’s such a blessed experience and I hope you are allowed so many more of them still in your life.

    I am really looking forward to September. I miss being with you and giggling together all night and I can’t wait for us to be together again. I’m so glad I came despite all my anxiety and I’m so glad we met in the first place. I still think it’s amazing that from so much suffering can come so much joy. It gives me hope.

    I’m still shocked that the doctor wanted to get rid of some of your nerve endings? Maybe I don’t know enough about it, but that just seems like such a scary idea to me. D:

    Your horoscope is so beautiful and accurate! I read my 2013 horoscope and I am so impressed right now. I never had much faith in astrology because I never much related to the gemini description, but that was scarily accurate

    This might sound really corny but it’s true. I’m so happy that we got a chance to meet each other and fall in love while there is still time. I’ve never been in a relationship that wasn’t unhealthy before, and I’m just grateful to the universe that I got a chance to be with you. And that neither of us are dead, lawl. <3

    Like

  3. Yes! To decide to LIVE despite one’s physical limitations. Have seen, too, with M.E. for decades, that my attitude and relationship with the Divine within me….makes all the difference in my perceptions of my life and the world around me. Your beautiful year, sharing with those you love, is truly an inspiration and help to me. Coping with the highs and lows…it varies. But to find our true home is of utmost value! Thanks…. and each, one moment we live and breathe in gratitude is one more blessed moment!

    Like

    1. I’m so touched that my words have helped you in any way. I really hope that my journey can be a testament to people that life isn’t over just because you get an illness–it just changes. Thank you for your lovely comment, and may you continue to recognize your blessings. :)

      Like

What are you thinking?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s