I’m No Longer at War with My Body

© a rainbow at night

Today marks the 11th year of my getting the virus that triggered M.E. — 13 years total of living with chronic illness.

And I feel really good right now, emotionally. Like I’m doing everything possible to ensure my body will function its best for as long as it can. I sleep enough, eat well, get proper nutrition with lots of what I need and still have things I enjoy, like ice cream. I drink a lot of water, supplement for my genetic things and muscle dysfunction with the appropriate foods and pills, but have medicine to reduce the inflammation. I also take what I need to help out my neurotransmitters, and manage severe pain. My feet get massage to slow the neuropathy. I get whatever exercise I can without causing disease progression. I do tai chi to balance my energy and improve my strength, balance, and muscle tone. (ETA: It took me a long, long time to realize, but this was a bad idea. I thought it was gentle enough to not cause relapse, but after the THIRD time I found myself worsened for weeks or months after a week of very, very gentle tai chi, I figured out it was the tai chi.) I do stretches, and walk, and a very small amount of yoga (just the poses I enjoy). Spiritual fulfillment is number one in my life and sets the stage for everything else.

I like taking care of myself. My eyes, my teeth, my skin. It can be a chore on some days–and during some seasons, most days–but I enjoy it.

So many years were spent in a battle against my own body, trying to take care of it even as I pumped my blood full of toxic medications to fight the infections that were trying to survive within me. And because of that, I’m still here. Ironically, they’re still here, too.

But that season of my life has passed, and now, it feels so good to just take care of me, to really take care of me, and know that everything I put into my body and do for it is going to help it do its best for me (which in turn, is the best for others, also). Because that’s all I have left. I love the amount of self-compassion I’ve been able to cultivate and harvest, not just in the past few years in general but since being off of Lyme disease treatment in particular. There’s something about not having to focus on pathogen elimination that’s very conducive to self-love. Even as any or all of my diseases advance, I’m not “losing the fight” in any way.

It’s amazing after all these years, even with all of my symptoms, to finally not be at war with my body.

What do you do for your body that makes you feel good about taking care of it, so that it can take care of you to the best of its ability? How do you help it along?

a rainbow at night


10 thoughts on “I’m No Longer at War with My Body

    1. As do I, tlohuis. I don’t think I’ve mentioned that on here, yet, but I talk about it a lot on my Twitter. I may have only briefly mentioned it on my blog–maybe I should make a post? It’s one of the main things that has helped me through all of this, the past few years. I always thought, if whatever Faith or spirituality you’re using doesn’t actually help you get through the rough times, it’s no use, and mindfulness and other Buddhist meditations and philosophies have been my cornerstone to God.


      1. That’s where I’ve turned and it’s now just my way of life. It’s been hard to do lately with all this pain, it’s difficult to get comfortable and to be still long enough to do it, but I keep trying. This too shall pass. I blog a lot about mindfulness and meditation and breathing exercises, just living in the moment, except on my bad days, you’ll read something a little different until I get myself back into my wise mind. I wish you luck on your journey and I’ll be following you. I look forward to it. I hope you are having a good night, day or whatever it is, wherever you are.


          1. Well, as you saw on my blog, it’s not good news. I’m in a really dark place right now. I’ve been here before and I just hope, after I recover from this flu, I can crawl back up out of this dark hole.


  1. I am glad you are feeling better :) I found you via a search re Olive Leaf! I myself have VERY similar issues, from Taking an antibiotic. It actually CHANGED my Mito DNA and I have ALL the pain and weird Neuropathy issues too, muscle waste and pain etc. Thank you very much for sharing! Gives us Floxed folks hope.


    1. Hello! I do miss olive leaf extract. I haven’t been able to drive since stopping it over a year ago–that’s how much it helped my brain.

      I’d be weary of believing an antibiotic did that; I’d be more willing to believe the antibiotic woke up an infection you had that was dormant. When we have them for a while from our bodies not effectively clearing them out to begin with (they are called “stealth” infections, for obvious reasons) they settle into our TISSUES, and avoid our bloodstream. Antibiotic usage goes about killing things, which brings them back out into the bloodstream, where they cause start causing symptoms.


    2. …Oh! This is a really late second-time reply, but I understand what you mean, now. I missed the “floxed” part because I so often read of that reaction in our community, from people who NEVER took quinolone antibiotics, but their bizarre reaction eventually helped them figure out their body was trying to fight an infection (that they’d later test positive for, when checked). I’ve never taken those types of drugs, but when I first started my Lyme antibiotics I didn’t even step outside for two months (before I started feeling so much better) the symptoms were so bad, at first. I don’t know enough about those terrible “floxed” effects, but it’s bizarre that they cause such similar symptoms as some infections do when they’re forced out of their “cyst” or “biofilm” form. Some people may be having more happen than “bad reactions”! I hope you’re well and aren’t secretly dealing with an underlying infection; those symptoms are difficult enough as it is!


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